BLACK LIVES MATTER
And by “we” I mean “I,” because I am the CEO of my business and most often a one woman show. I don’t believe it is possible to operate as a business and not be clear about where the CEO stands as it is a fundamental value. Fundamental values of the person in charge always seep into the warp and weft of a company. You either value life, or you don’t. And around here, I do. I value life so much I spend extraordinary energy valuing lives of loved ones lost. Honoring ones death is valuing their life. If you know my story at all you know I VALUE LIFE - and black people are not an exception to my rule.
There is no denying we are experiencing history in the making. For the record, my intention is to be anti-racist. This requires work I am willing to do; I am simultaneously anxious and driven. If I’m being honest I am not excited about checking my white privilege at the door. White privilege is something I was born and raised with, it is a part of my culture and I don’t know any different. Unlearning and relearning won’t be easy. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.
Fear
Yes, I am afraid:
of losing my white privilege - I don’t know anything different
of saying the wrong thing or standing up to someone else saying the wrong thing
of being called out for a racist action or remark or for calling someone else out for a racist action or remark
of making a mistake that damages my relationships with my white friends and with my black friends
of losing an opportunity because I’m white when I’ve always unknowingly enjoyed systemic favoritism
of posting on Instagram about my business and seeming insensitive to current events
of sharing what I’ve been working on lately and promoting my business
of losing people along the way
of putting my heart “out there” and being misunderstood or ridiculed or challenged
of danger, confusion, bickering, unrest, fighting, looting, yelling, etc. but we can’t all live like one big happy family, one nation under God, if some of God’s people are treating some of God’s people like they AREN’T worthy of love, respect, safety, justice, LIFE
I’m afraid y’all… but don’t we all know that nothing worth doing is easy?
Empathy
I am an empath. The unrest of the past week beginning with the horrific video of George Floyd’s death, a modern day lynching, wrecked me. WRECKED. Here is what I learned from this regarding Black Lives Matter - I am in debt to the black community. The freedom, justice, and peace of mind my ancestors robbed from them is the debt I owe. This is a huge burden to carry. I am one person. I intend to start at home. I intend to learn what is right and just and vote for policy change accordingly. Empaths have the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others, feel what they feel and get down in to the pit with them. None of the aforementioned fears come close to the fear of being added to the list of the murders along with George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and countless others.
Action
Before I share, I want to be clear, I am not looking for a gold star. Being an empath is hard, especially during hard times. I’m not proud of what I have done or what I plan to do … it isn’t about pride, it is about doing the right thing.
For the first time ever, I saw a man on the street with a cardboard sign asking for help from the thousands of cars passing bye. Black as night from standing in the hot sun for hours, skinny as a rail with tired hungry eyes; I saw this man as an opportunity for me to start showing up for the black community. I sobbed in line at Chick fil-A, ordered an extra lunch and promptly pulled out onto the street to give it to him. HE WAS GONE! From the back seat Ethan spotted him taking a break from the sun, a moment of respite in the shade. I did a U-turn, pulled over and rolled down my window, “Sir!” I called out, tears pouring down my face. He popped up and sprinted over to the car received the gift of a meal with, “God Bless You!” I managed, “God bless you…Sir!” while sobbing but what I was really thinking was this:
Sir, thank you for your appreciation for the lunch we provided for you today but you don’t owe me any blessing. It is I who owe it to you. I owe you this food, I owe you kindness, I owe you respect, I owe you! It is I, a descendant of a long lineage of white people of the south, who owe you for what my ancestors did and continuously do to dehumanize, repress, control, murder, and steal from your ancestors and you. I owe this to you. God Bless YOU.
I pulled into the parking lot to let my emotions out and explain to my wide eyed children what these big feelings were about.
I’ve ordered books, had meaningful conversations with my kids, listened to podcasts, imagined what it will one day feel like to not get chosen. I’ve reached out to my black friends just to say, “I Love you.” Last week I found comfort in worship music, more focused time with my boys, singing in the car with the windows down, and celebrating their graduations.
Social Media
Here is what last week taught me about social media. Information travels at the speed of light. Peer pressure is more real for me in my mid thirties than it ever was as a teenager. I do not own Instagram. I voluntarily took a step back from posting to my feed and instead shared posts and stories from my the black community to elevate their messages. Change happens offline. My perspective has changed drastically.
I share my life and my business on Instagram and I love the platform. I love being able to share freely and openly and connect with my HeartSquad and other people for which I am a cheerleader. Whether voluntarily or involuntarily I learned Instagram can be insta - gone in an INSTANT! I still intend to use Instagram for my business but my focus will be on my website and blog. Short captions and a few pictures aren’t giving the tremendous amount of work and energy and passion I put in to my itty bitty business enough focus and appreciation. I’m really excited about these changes and hope you are interested in seeing more robust full stories of projects, inspiration and art making.
Long Story, Longer
My encouragement for my community is to stop scrolling and start doing. Take the time to develop a mental shift and think of ways to show your community you stand for equality.
I want you to know, with me you have an ally. You have a safe space for dialogue. If you’ve made it this far and this message has ruffled your feathers I want you to choose to stick around. Change is uncomfortable.
With so much love,
HeatherOpal
