Back to School 2022
This back to school season is bitter sweet.
The Dump
The pandemic was a disaster of epic proportions. We all know this. And even though we have slowly come out of lock down to regain our freedom and sense of certainty … does it not seem like suddenly the pandemic vanished into thin air? Sure, some people still choose to wear masks and the virus is still going around, but for all intents and purposes things seem to be back to some semblance of normal.
Only now, we deal with the down stream impacts of a global pandemic. The loss of family members, incredible sense of loneliness as we are no longer together in our social distancing, and for students the time spent out of organized instruction has gravely impacted literacy and grade level test scores.
I’m going to share a personal story for a selfish reason. I need to change my perspective. In order to change my perspective I need to unload the current to make way for the new. The only way I can think to model courage is to do what scares me so that I can feel, likely, what my child is feeling in order to show him how to be brave. Courage and bravery are feeling afraid but doing the thing anyway, right? Fear, shame, FOMO, inadequacy, are just the off the cuff emotions I can name for the way we are feeling. For us to do what we have to do, we need to process through these feelings, do the thing… thus being brave and courageous.
My son is not going to 3rd grade, instead he will take 2nd grade with instruction in English.
We live in an area where Spanish Immersion is offered in elementary school. Seeing this as a fantastic opportunity we decided to enroll knowing full well his instruction would be taught in Spanish, and English literacy would be the at home responsibility.
Enter, the pandemic.
I could spit. I could cuss. I could rant. I could rave. But truly, these actions would be masking the true feelings, guilt, shame and sadness. My child’s elementary school experience, like so many others’ was stolen by a global pandemic. His education, in another language, became my responsibility… and I failed.
I failed my son. I failed to teach my son a language I don’t know.
Things don’t change until the discomfort of the current situation is more unbearable than the unbearable change. This summer, we hit rock bottom. He told us he didn’t want to live. He’s 8. There is plenty of really hard life ahead of him. At this time, this is the hardest thing he has faced. Not being at a place where he can continue on the same trajectory as his peer group. Not being able to spend his days with them, share a meal, experiences, jokes, rumors of crushes and play time on the play ground… and thus FOMO. But in this case, he actually is missing out… on all of those things. It is no longer the fear of missing out, it is the pain of missing out. And it hurts, a lot, for all of us.
The Shift
Instead of tutors, we have been seeking help in other areas. Fundamental areas. My family became my full focus. Together we have been working on getting up off the cold hard floor of rock bottom and helping dust each other off. What does that actually look like though?
Well, for us, it looks like this:
Putting away the phone
Making time for physical exercise in an environment with other people
Fun outings like Kate’s Skating Rink on Wednesday mornings, mini golf, the library
1:1 breakfast dates with mommy or daddy, playing endless rounds of UNO or Phase 10
All About Reading Lessons, listening to books on Audible, reading to them, them reading to me
Accepting help
Taking Advice
Making things beautiful
Sounds pretty amazing, huh! I didn’t want summer to end. I dreaded the decision to bow out of the Dual Language Program. I hoped we had made enough progress in English literacy over the summer to simply move into 3rd grade English. Instead, this year will be the first year of English at the 2nd grade level.
Do you know what will drive a person crazy? Shoulda, woulda, coulda… so the past in in the past and it can’t be changed. Perseverating on it is a waste of precious energy and time. The shift I’m working on is looking forward to the blessings that will come from this hard decision.
Race car drivers don’t think about the concrete wall as they are driving at top speed, because if they do, they will certainly crash right into it.
The New Perspective
I place my hand and my heart on Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.
I will nurture my family and I will nurture my soul. I will continue to find joy in creating and prove to myself and my son that you can pave your own path. You have your own trajectory as unique as you are! You can laugh without fear of the future.